Opinion: Seattle Beer Week: What I'm not attending, but you should!

Demonstrating restraint while being painfully vague, I posted my schedule for this year's Seattle Beer Week. At slightly over 500 words, calling it succinct is an understatement. What I didn't mention the other events I would've love to attend. Listing them in order, here we go. By the way, I'm leaving the last three days of beer week for you to choose from. Hey! I'm not doing all the work for you!

Oh, and you might want to click / touch the links if you want to see how to get to the event.

May 13th, Friday (aka, Day 2, the hangover returns).
  • 4:00 pm - The Noble Fir - Lost Abbey Night. Let's just say there will be "Cuvee de Tomme, Track #8, Angel’s Share Grand Cru, Santo Ron Diego, Red Poppy, and...". Hey! Don't look at me, The Noble Fir is the one who let this get posted like that. But I'd advise a taxi, uber, or a friend who is cool with you puking in their car afterwards. Bonus points if you walk all the way to The Sixgill (in the Fremont neighborhood) to try some Block 15, during the alehouse's tap takeover.
  • 4:30 pm - Latona Pub - Happy Hour + Sierra Nevada Beer Camp Across America preview. If you are too cheap to spend the money to attend Beer Camp Across America, produced by Sierra Nevada Brewing Company and hosted in Seattle, then you probably should stop into Latona Pub. Plus being a fan wouldn't hurt, with Phil Sparks putting on a show. Look for six beers from Sierra Nevada, made with six different breweries.
  • 6pm - Beveridge Place Pub - Cask-o-rama. Sixteen (16) different breweries have contributed to yet another, celebrating those beers that some people call flat. If that's you, please don't go. If on the other hand, you are one of those who've asked "I wonder what it would be like to drink a beer straight from the fermenter.", then this is your event. Bring some patience, a doggy bag of food from a nearby eatery, and get ready for another year of casks on the bartop.
May 14th, Saturday (aka, Jesus I'm glad I stuck to only one event)
  • 10:00 am - The Burgundian Tavern - Brewers Breakfast. As is tradition, several brewers will be on hand, eating separately from you, while you enjoy their beer. Look for the following brewers to be drinking, while enjoying biscuits and gravy, or whatever the hell they feel like calling food: Farmstrong Brewing, Schooner Exact, Silver City, Everybody's, Backwoods, Ninkasi, Seapine, Bigtime, HUB, Mollusk to name a few. If this is your first time, I'd suggest the chicken and waffles. Sure they're a bit on the pricey side, but goddamn they're good! Just avoid asking for a side of gravy, it already comes with one!
  • 11:00 am - Seapine Brewing - Tour de Pints starting at Seapine Brewing. Assuming you consumed the caloric equivalent of a Tour de France cyclist (9,000 kcal per day, by the way), you should be prepared for several hours of bike riding, before finishing at Flying Bike Co-Op brewery. Plan to meet up with a friend or catch a bus home, after 6:30pm, when the 18.2-mile pub crawl is over.
  • 6:00 pm - Toronado - Satanic Metal C.O.W. Night. No C.O.W. does not spell cow or go moooooo. It stands for California, Oregon, Washington. Or as I like to call it Firestone Walker, Boneyard, and Cloudburst night. Which means brewers from each of those breweries will be in attendance. Given it's got metal in the name, tonight's music will be courtesy the staff and customers of Toronado, in the key of metal. Whether you're a closeted metal head or looking for an excuse to headbang, this might be the event to visit. Do us a favor and leave the Air Supply at home, and avoid spilling your drink while in the mosh pit. 

May 15th, Sunday (or And people do this for a living?)
  • 5 pm - Beveridge Place Pub - Iron Brewer Pro Triple Header. If you recall an event at the 'BPP' called Iron Brewer, then you are already familiar with the terms of the event. If not, then hopefully you've seen an episode of Iron Chef. No?

    Ok, so (in this case) 3 brewers are given an ingredient and have to brew with that (or many) ingredient (s) to produce a unique beer. Afterwards, they show up, the beer is sold, people get free stuff through a raffle, and that's it. Oh and the beer that is picked the best is announced the winner. Just head over to West Seattle already!
  • 7 pm - The Pine Box - Holy Mountain & Firestone Walker - Jeffers Richardson from Firestone Walker and the crew from Holy Mountain will be representing, inside Bruce Lee's 2nd to last resting place. Look for everything from Firestone Walker Stickee Monkee to the rare Krieky Bones Batch #2. Meanwhile, Holy Mountain loaded up the van and dropped off Demonteller, The Goat, and Misére Au Borinage to name a few. Have that Uber or Lyft app installed, you're going to need it!

May 16th, Monday (insert work absence excuse here)
  • 6 pm - Naked City Brewery and Taproom - Battle of the Gorge. Featured breweries at this event are; Everybody's, Full Sail, Backwoods, Logsdon, Amnesia, Pfriem, Double Mountain, Walking Man, Double Mountain, and Everybody's. Drink'em here or plan a roadtrip to try them all at some point in your lifetime.
May 17th, Tuesday (2s Day. Get it?)
  • 2pm - Pub at Piper's - Skateboard Pub Crawl. Or man was I stupid to think I could still do this. I think this is self-explanatory. It's literally down hill the whole way. Although there might be some walking involved. 
  • 4 pm - The Yard Cafe - Tacos with Cloudburst. Just down the street from Naked City is The Yard Cafe. With an attention to tapas and other mexican-inspired fare, this is a great chance to pair tacos with Steve Luke's beers. 
  • 6 pm - Naked City Brewery and Taproom - Wood Aged Washington. After filling your belly and your colon with tacos, swing over to NCB to try some wood-aged beers. Please, no crop dusting throughout the pub though. There are always children present.
May 18th, Wednesday (almost through an entire week of drinking)
May 19th, Thursday (made it! Oh shit, theres 3 more days?!)
  • 6 pm - The Copper Door - Avery Night. I don't need to tell you that if you don't know who Avery Brewing is, then you never had beers like Mephistopheles, Czar, or White Rascal. But even if you don't you should visit the The Copper Door to learn more or pretend you forgot.
  • 6 pm - Fremont Brewing - Smells like beer, but why? Buy a ticket ahead of time for a limited opportunity to learn how Fremont's Robert Fulwiler examines beer. Tickets need to be picked up via Fremont's website.
  • 9 pm - The Stumbling Monk - Late Night Sour Firkin Tapping. Technically it starts at 9 pm. But if that's late for you, then oh well. Anyways, New Belgium's sour brewer Eric Salazar will be on hand to tell people what cask beer they're drinking. Stay up past your bedtime if you dare!

May 20th, Friday (hey! where the hell's the rest of the suggestions?!)

Nope you're on your own! If the above doesn't wreck you, then you're not got need my help to survive the rest of the week. 

This is over 1300 words!

Be good, be responsible, and don't drive drunk. I don't want to see you on the evening news!